Be Still

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STOP
Are you ready?
Ready for what? you say...
Ready to worship the God of the Universe!
The all deserving, ever present, object of our praise
Are you trying His patience?
What will it get you to gain the world if you miss the promise of His love?
Worldly possessions will not transfer to heaven
Why not start in on the joys of heaven while still on earth?
Forget the desires of men and fulfill the will of the Father
Then will your life have meaning and your actions prove eternal.

Peeling of the fibrin cast

Oh, how I have let you encompass me

Let you entoil my heart

Wherewith can I be removed?

Your invasion proceeds deep

As a barbed hook you penetrate

And you ask ‘Why this forlornity?’

How else should I proceed?

Whereby can I free myself?

It was brought upon myself

My shielding was waned low

My walls were broken down

I suffer you no fault

But I must now take it back

My heart must return to me and my God

I'm scared to witness!

Matthew 28:19-20 gives us the great commission: 'Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.' So, I've got my instructions and I should be following them, except I'm AFRAID! I don't know how to start a conversation with people (not even a conversation that doesn't offend some people just by its very nature). And I know that God has told us in Matthew 10:19-20 'But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak. For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you.' But I think, "I don't have enough scripture memorized and I can't recall the references if I do remember the words, and I get so flustered I can't even think straight." Funny that I have such issues in discussing certain things when those who know me well know that I can go on for hours talking about nothingness and fluff, cause I just love to talk. However, I realized that what I most generally talk about is things that I have heard others say lately, or that I have read lately, stuff that I find fascinating and want to share with others. Unless it's in the short term memory storage bank it's not easy access and I can't just whip it out with gusto. To access hard-filed memories takes time and effort, and makes conversations more difficult. So there's one rub, but God doesn't use that as an excuse. In fact, In Exodus 4:10 Moses tries to reason this way with God. 'But Moses replied to the Lord, "Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent-either in the past or recently or since You have been speaking to Your servant-because I am slow and hesitant in speech." But the Lord replied to Moses in Exodus 4:11-12 'The Lord said to him, "Who made the human mouth? Who makes him mute or deaf, seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will help you speak and I will teach you what to say."' So I should trust the Lord to give me the words, especially if I am going into a conversation with a humble and God-fearing heart, asking that I may serve His kingdom with my actions. So I think beyond this is the hurdle of overcoming my past experiences.
In the past, when confronting others who did not share my biblical views, I have attacked the person instead of the reasoning. I think this was largely due to a heart that wasn't right with God. I was challenging them because I believed they were wrong, not because I wanted to show them Truth. I think this is another contributor to my fear. How can I learn to give the gospel without attacking a person's character, and in a Christ-like manner. I know the answer is to pray, and then listen to the calling of the Spirit when He gives you those divine appointments, but it's still scary and it's kind of new and uncharted territory for me. But, I'm just going to have to have a little faith (the size of a mustard seed), like Peter did in Matthew 14:28-29 '"Lord, if it's You," Peter answered Him, "command me to come to You on the water." "Come!" He said. And climbing out of the boat, Peter started walking on the water and came toward Jesus.' And the thing is, I might start to sink, like Peter did, but Jesus will be there to pull me up out of the water too!

Perfectionism

So, as a first-born child I inherited the trait of perfectionism. Interestingly enough that often comes as a double-edged sword with depression. Since no one is perfect there is always this spiral downwards: 'you messed that up, why even bother, you can't do anything right,' etc. I've had these thoughts before, and I've gone through some periods in my life where I was very depressed, especially in high school. In the book I'm currently reading (The New Birth Order Book), Dr. Leman writes that, "Discouraged perfectionists are often stubborn, opinionated, and strong-willed types who become known for telling it like it is." And I think that fit me to a T when I entered undergrad. Man did I have some growing up to do! I alienated so many people in my first year at Penn State, and I am very sorry now for this behavior. However, I think that my time at Penn State broke some of my perfectionist behavior (though not all). Mostly I learned that it was ok not to be number 1. In high school my dad pushed me to be the top of my class, and that was not a bad thing. I was capable of achieving the goal, and the pursuit of excellence is a good thing. However, upon arriving at PSU I learned that it wasn't so easy to be the top of the class, and I kind of gave up trying. I hit an all time low when I achieved only one 'A' on my transcripts second semester second year. I was in the 'why even try?' mind-set. Then I realized that even if I wasn't going to be the top of my class I'd better learn the material and make my time and the money that others were spending on my education worth it. With this renewed resolve I pulled my GPA up substantially, but for the right reasons. I wasn't trying to be the best, I was trying to do my best. I think I've transferred the pursuit of excellence in the classroom, versus the pursuit of perfection, to vet school as well. I prefer 'As' but I'll settle for 'Bs' if necessary. The thing that I haven't gotten over yet is my 'telling it like it is.' Generally I push it off as sarcasm, but I really do think most of the things that come out of my mouth, whether I know they're ridiculous or not. So, that's what I've been working on lately, trying to be less sarcastic and really think about things before they come out of my mouth. I've been reading Proverbs too, and I'm really trying to be wise and have understanding. It's not gonna be easy and I can't do it by myself, but I keep praying and God will eventually get me straightened out.

Wanderings of the Mind

I sit upon a cloud and look down

Down, down, down

Upon the life I used to have

Upon the life that I had lived

Float, float away

I’ve left it all behind

Like a shadow of my mind

Gone

I feel nothing anymore

It’s like it never was

As if it all were sham

Wind doth blow and earth doth crack

And none doth see the end

For minds are cleared of earthly thought

And fire fills the air

Burn, burn

Remove the filth

And leave the precious gold

And let it be as witness to the motives of the heart

Which reveals the evil sickness that brings most men to shame

That carries true damnation despite what men may claim

We all deserve the consequences of our sinful ways

But if we bear it all to Jesus, He is true to save

Works, where will they get you?

1 Corinthians 3:11-15 For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; Every man's work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is. If any man's work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward. If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.

Galatians 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not

Matthew 7:21-23 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

Hebrews 11:7 By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house; by the which he condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.

I find it hard sometimes when I read these verses not to get caught up in the wrong motives. It is obvious that God wants us to do good works, not that we can earn our way into heaven, but to prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God to a world that rejects Him. However, I see that I shall receive rewards if I am diligent in these reasonable services. I think my human mind is then consumed by a desire to do God's will not for a love of God, but for the personal gain that I may achieve with these actions. This comes full circle when considering whether it will actually gain me this, however, because if our actions are not of faith they are not of God and therefore they are not for his glory and we will not receive a reward. In fact, we may ultimately be condemned to hell for our selfish actions. So often I feel that I myself am not sure whether my actions are genuine, only God knows the motives of the soul (1 Chronicles 28:9; Proverbs 16:2).

Where does this leave us? Consider the parable of the sheep and the goats in Matthew 25 verses 31-46; those that were considered righteous were unaware of their good works. Does it take a special spirit; must we be born with a great love and passion for others in order to achieve this righteousness? This cannot be, for there is not predestination (God wants all to come to repentance- 1 Timothy 2:4; 2 Peter 3:9). So my dilemma continues, how do I know that my works are done with the right motive? I look to Deuteronomy 6:5b Love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And Proverbs 16:3 Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.

The Lord wants all to do right, He is not trying to trick us into an eternity in hell, therefore let us heed the advise in Matthew 7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Let us not be cast headlong into our pursuits for vain pride and glory, for these lead only to destruction (Proverbs 16:18), but let us be careful to consider and ask God for guidance in all our pursuits least we be lead astray in our actions. Satan can quite easily turn our initially pure motives into wickedness and evil. Consider David's 1st attempt to bring the ark home to Jerusalem (in 2 Samuel 6), He failed to inquire of God and to follow the strict instructions that God had set forth for its movement and it cost Uzzah his life. There was nothing wrong with the desire to bring the ark to Jerusalem, but failing to inquire of God and keep His statues led to trouble. This is what we can also expect in our lives when we fail to inquire of the Lord.

Motives

Why?

Ask yourself…….

Why?

Why do you do the things which you do?

Why do you walk your dog?

Why do you bake a pie?

Why do you share a story?

Why do you gossip?

Why?

Are we living for God, or living for man?

When we do something ‘good’, who is it for?

Even the son of perdition cast out demons in Jesus name.

Think

Doing good works for wrong motives still leads to hell.

Death is coming, eternity awaits, man will be judged

Evaluate yourself before you’ve lost your chance

Ignorance is no excuse

The wrath of the God of Israel still burns