People Pleaser

I looked through some of my old posts yesterday and made a realization. When I was a freshmen at Penn State I was a really depressed kid. I think I kind of forgot just how bad it was. My friend Christie reminds me every once in a while that she didn't think I was coming back after Christmas break, but of course I forget how serious I probably seemed since I did come back. I've never been a quitter, so I guess maybe in my mind I wanted to quit because I was miserable, but I don't think I ever accepted that as a something I would really be able to do. I've always been a people pleaser and I knew that dropping out wouldn't please anyone but myself. Sometimes I think that's why I'm still in vet school too, but I guess we all need something to drive us. I think that my brother Ian might be missing that certain driver, which is why he was able to drop out of college, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I think for me personally, it is important to have people holding me accountable to do something with my life. Of course it is important to choose the right people to please, but I've never really had a problem with the wrong type of peer pressure. I think the worst choices I've ever made were from listening to my cousins. They influenced me to swear and possibly my poorest decision in life, strip naked for a game of truth or dare. The scariest thing about that is, upon discussing that event with my cousin Caleb last summer, I realized that he still remembers exactly what I looked like. I've heard before that guys are very visual, but I didn't realize that they would keep a digital image in their head for all eternity. That realization made me even more aware that I need to keep my clothing modest so that I don't make good decisions harder to make for the guys around me. I think this paragraph has now gotten way off topic, so with that I will say, I believe I am now in a much better mental state than I was as a PSU freshman and I hope that I can continue to make strides toward better mental health.