Life Sucks (Sometimes)

So yesterday Karen and I took a drive down to the 4-H State Horse Show in Harrisburg to watch my sister Laurie compete. This was rather fun and I enjoyed my time there. Once we got there and found my mother she realized that her camera battery, that she had just changed, wasn't working. (I'm not sure it was entirely the battery, but I can't figure out what exactly was the problem.) Anyways, so Karen and I went driving around Harrisburg to find a new battery, needless to say, the city is very strange.
As we drove around we didn't find a drug store like we were looking for so Karen decided she would stop at a gas station, get a sub and also ask for directions. The people in the store were not very helpful and were extremely slow. (During my time in Harrisburg I decided that no one had an agenda and everyone just kind of walked around without much of any purpose.) The lady that made the sub took at least 15 minutes and she wasn't even dealing with any other customers. The lady that Karen asked for directions couldn't even tell her where a drug store was, but told her the general direction of the train station where Karen was sure she had seen a CVS before. After driving around a little more we passed a CVS but could not find any parking. Karen then let me out to walk to the store while she drove around the block waiting for me to come out. The plan backfired, however, when I found the doors locked but lights on inside. It was the middle of the day, what could possibly have made them lock the doors? So when Karen came back around I jumped in. About a block down the street we saw a Rite Aid so I jumped out once again and was, this time, successful in my mission. The lady at the counter asked me if I wanted a bag for the battery, I suppose maybe she has to do this, but why would I need a bag for something the size of a quarter. It wouldn't even weigh down the bag!! After all this finagling, that took us most of an hour, we returned to find Laurie's class about to start. Mom replaced the battery, it still did the same thing as before but we worked with it a little and got it to work.
Laurie did very well, but her horse unfortunately did not. I guess she was in heat and the crowd scared her a little, plus the horse next to her would just not stand still. She made it over her jumps with a little less grace than normal and you should have heard the crowd take in there breath when the horse stopped in front of the gate and then jumped it from a standing position. Laurie also had to complete the jump without the stirrup (which I'm told if the judge notices is an automatic disqualification). She also had other problems when Whisper wouldn't go into a canter and, was rather, doing a fast trot (stupid horse, Laurie wanted to shoot her). Needless to say, she did not make the final ten.
Because Karen had her room mate's car she had to leave at 4:30 to get it back and Laurie's show wasn't quite over. My mom had said that they were driving through State College on the way home so I could hitch a ride back with them. After Karen had left I realized that they weren't planning on coming back until this morning. This was unexpected but I figured it just meant I got to spend a little more time with my mom and Laurie.
I stayed at a hotel with my mom and another lady but the bed wasn't real comfortable so it wasn't that great. My mom had wanted to leave at 8 a.m. but the time got pushed back to more like eleven. Thank goodness we got an extra hour of sleep with the time change though, it was very nice.
What sucks the most about the whole thing is that I get depressed after I see family that I haven't seen in a while and probably won't see again for another month. This is my current mood. Although I generally don't like to admit to crying, I will in this case. I always have these kind of breakdowns when I'm leaving family reunions and the like. This might be a reason I don't really like attending them. Anyways, I think writing this has taken a lot of the pain away and I'm hoping the tears are almost dried up. And this is not a pity party, I just wanted to let you know how I feel. I DON'T want you to feel sorry for me. I think most of it is because I have so much fun and then I have to return to a life that sucks. I just wish that college was closer to home and not so much work!

Recap

Well, it seems that I have been a bit quiet of late. Probably due to the fact that I have had some major homework and studying to do. Yet, also partially due to the fact that I have put off these things until the last minute and have instead been enjoying other pastimes like watching tv and doing crossword puzzles. I had intended to make daily posts, but as it has happened with every diary I have tried to keep, I don't end up following through with my commitment. But, since you haven't heard what I've been doing the last few days, I'll give you a recap. Wednesday: studied for Chem 12H test all day; didn't seem to make any difference; waste of time; still believe to have gotten less than 50%. Thursday: Stupid Chem 14 lab all morning; did get at 10/10 (only one in class) on my quiz; almost fell asleep in a few classes; did math homework while talking to Phil, Paul, and Thomas but took a half hour out for "The Office" (which my bro tells me was a repeat, but I hadn't seen). Friday: woke up at 6:30 after only 6 hours of sleep to eat breakfast and study for a quiz; didn't even have the quiz; walked down town to get birthday cards for Heather and Grandpa (forgot one for my Uncle Robert); Christie left to go home (yahoo!! j/k); plan to spend the night doing something with Kristina; not really sure what.
Well, didn't that just suck to read and sound awfully boring. I guess I just needed to vent. If you don't want to read this kind of thing than I suggest you don't read my blog. Maybe I'll come up with something profound and interesting to write tomorrow, but right now I need to leave for class. I just didn't want to leave you wondering what has been going on in my life for any longer.

Sleep

I wish I could sleep all the time. Recently I have begun a sleeping regimen in which I sleep in until at least 7:30. This is bad, really bad. I don't have classes until 9:05 most mornings and breakfast is overrated, but I should be doing work instead. I mean, I waste all day doing nothing and then I stay up until midnight doing homework which should have been done earlier. I also tend to do stupid things rather than studying for big tests, like tomorrow's Chem exam, which I have been totally ignoring. This is probably horrible, but students have been using cramming to study for tests for years (A tried and true method to make it through college).
I know one girl who runs on like three hours of sleep a night. I don't know how she does it. Sunday night she stayed up all night to study for her Biology exam (the one that Christie got a 97% on). She decided not to get the one hour of sleep that she could have gotten after she was done studying because she figured she wouldn't wake up. I guess a lot of college kids run on very little sleep, but I could never handle not getting all the sleep I want. Sleeping is like my favorite thing to do. It's the one time you are removed from this nasty world and don't have to deal with your reality for a few precious hours a day.

Bluster and Blow

Wow has the air gotten cold all of the sudden. It seems like just yesterday it was warm and sunny, but not today. Today was so cold, and yet I kept forgetting to put on a coat. I think this is because it is always unreasonably warm in our room no matter what the temperature outside. It's horrible, the heat is always on, even when it's not needed. Well, I guess I can see why the tuition is so high, if they turned down the heat it would probably cut our tuition in half (I know this is exaggerated, it's just to get the point across).
My room mate can't wait to get snow. I could care less, I've seen plenty of snow in my life. She says Christmas doesn't have snow very often. Well, I can remember very few Christmases without snow. I guess Pittsburgh doesn't receive the lake effect snow that Spartansburg does. It tried to snow today, it even sleeted a little, but nothing stayed on the ground.
I'm told that last year everyone woke up at three o'clock on the night of the first snowfall and had a snowball fight. I'm not sure if I would ever get that excited about snow. AND if anyone tries to wake me up for such an absurd thing(Christie), something VERY BAD will happen to them. There is no telling what I would be capable of doing, being aroused from a deep sleep at such an unreasonable time. Anyways, all those weird people can have their snow, just don't try to make me enjoy it because I DON'T CARE!

A Great Quote

This is a quote that was in the bulletin at church. It is by a monk named Brother Jeremiah. I think it is very good and fitting for anyone to hear and think about regardless of religiosity.

If I had my life to live over again, I would try to make more mistakes next time. I would relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have ever been on this trip. I know very few things that I would take seriously next time around. I would make more trips. I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets. I would do more walking and more looking. I'd eat more ice cream and less beans. I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones. You see, I am one of these people who lives sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I have had my moments. If I had it to do over again, I would have more of them. ...I have been one of those people who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a rain coat, aspirin and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would go places, I'd do things...If I had to do it over again, I would take a lot more risks.

After reading this I feel a need to accomplish something big with my life. I don't want to settle for just good enough. My life should be great and a testament to God's glory. I'm not sure if I will ever end up being famous, but that's not really what I'm going for. Rather I think I just need to trust that God will make me into the person he really wants me to become rather then keep myself boxed up in the mundane and dull life that anyone can live. I need to take some risks!

Wasted Time

Today was another football game, this time versus Illinois. Last night I stayed up until 1 a.m. so I slept in this morning, not getting up until 10. Since the game started at noon, we left at quarter to 11 to make sure we were there on time. Although I didn't think we would get there early, we got the best seats we have ever had. We were in the ninth row, a vast improvement on the 19th, 34th, 37th, and 39th rows; and we had gotten there pretty early for some of the other games.

The first half totally sucked. We played crappy and didn't make any good plays. During the second half we totally turned it around though. Mostly due to our defense, we were able to end up with a score of 26 to 12. Another reason we won was because their offense wasn't any better than ours. Had it been, we definitely would have lost. We even managed to get a safety; that was pretty cool.

The day has turned out fairly well. Although I haven't done any homework or laundry, I don't feel pressured to do anything because there is no class tomorrow. This is probably not a good position to take on the matter but I see no reason that I shouldn't have at least one day a week in which I accomplish nothing. Well, as it seems it has taken me several hours to write this blog, (I started writing at around 5 and kept getting distracted) I think it's time I wrap it up and get to bed. Homework can wait til tomorrow.

Carried Away

I am the type of person that looks for constant attention and approval. This is bad because, I tend to take getting this attention for myself to a level that really annoys all the people around me. For instance I sing songs to attract attention. While I was sitting with some people watching the homecoming parade I couldn't contain myself. I started kicking my feet, blowing on people, pretending to push people off the ledge we were sitting on, sticking out my tongue, singing "This is the song that never ends," etc. I can't seem to stop myself, I just have to be the center of attention. I hate it when I am left out of conversations too, which happens quite frequently. With all this immature behavior I'm not sure I'm even close to prepared for taking care of myself. I wish I could just fly away and never have to deal with human life. I mean, everyone's views and ideas are distorted and I don't know how to behave like a mature person around people who I don't find totally upstanding and exemplary people (these are the types of people that I look up to, admire, and respect; not acting like an idiot in their presence). I don't know for sure how to overcome this, but I think that working on removing this unnecessary behavior would be a good step forward in my maturity. I'm not saying that I will stop having fun, just maybe the stuff I do at the expense of other people and their thoughts and feelings. Normally I wouldn't really care about others, but I think this is just as much for myself as for them. I need to grow up and stop acting like a three year old child, although I'm not sure my social skills have ever surpassed this point.

Boo!

As you might know, I'm not really into the Halloween thing. For this matter, I don't go trick or treating and have only dressed up for it during elementary school for the Fall Festival or whatever it's called. I've also only gone trick or treating about two times in my life. In these cases my mom drove us around to several of her friends houses where we sang songs. Maybe I was missing out by not having tons of candy, but I never felt I it mattered.
Anyways, today I thought I would get in the spirit by giving someone a scare. I hadn't really planned it but Christie gave me so much opportunity I couldn't resist. She tends to leave the door wide open when she leaves to go to the bathroom, so when I got back from my Chem lab I noticed that this was the case. I also heard the toilet flush as I entered the room so I assumed that was what she was doing and decided to give her a little jolt. I waited and waited (it wasn't actually very long it just felt that way) until I finally heard her get to the door. As she started up the steps I was ready with a loud "BOO!" to which she started jumping up and down as if the sky had just collapsed. It was hilarious. Maybe you find this a bit harsh, but I'm the kind of person that likes to get everyone's heart pumping good. I'm sure if they did a study on the effects of being scared senseless, it would prove healthy. Even if it doesn't, it sure gives me a laugh, and that has been proven a healthy thing to do, so who cares about everyone else.

Suffern' Succotash

I think this day has been one of great promise. With a lack of necessary homework I have lingered long in the realm of the unimportant. This includes watching clips from several different shows, catching a few Strong Bad emails, and throwing bouncy squares (if you have never seen these you are missing out) around the room.
I could, of course, have taken this day to get ahead on some of my projects and to study for various upcoming tests, but what would have been the fun in that. The comments I have received have lead me to believe that people think that I'm depressed or upset. This is not really the case. I guess one thing leading to this assumption might be my obvious lack of writing skills, thus inhibiting my ability to accurately portray my mood. When I read these posts they fill me with laughter. I have a real problem with taking anything seriously. Thus, it really isn't that I'm worried about all the crap they make us do; it's really more like I would rather be able to get it done at a faster pace with less testing and papers.
I will not, however, let this hold me back. I have embarked on this journey and, even though at times I feel it isn't worth it, there are a lot of people that believe in me and have supported me. If I were to just quit I would feel as if I let them all down. So, on a voyage I go, sailing off into the horizon and experiencing the unknown.

Nonsense

Today was a very boring day, but I guess it had some good points. I didn't go to math today because the teacher had told us that he was going to go over the midterm and if we didn't care then we didn't need to come. That was nice because it meant that I got to sleep an extra two hours.
In my Jewish Studies class we got to listen to some very interesting music. I would suggest some of it although it is in Hebrew. The music video for "The Sticker Song" by Snakefish is especially good. Another song I liked was "Yo-Ya" by the Beehive, which I was able to find on Napster. The only reason I use Napster, by the way, is because PSU students get it free.
I decided I really hate women's studies because, well, I don't agree with anything much that the teacher is saying. I wish I was in a society in which women were still treated as property and didn't need to learn a profession to be worth something. I got my latest paper back today in which she said, "I think you think that you've proven a lot more than you have. You seem to make conclusions without adequately establishing your argument-this is the main problem with your paper." Well of course I didn't think I proved anything. Why would I want to make a point of something I don't really believe? Oh well, I knew it wasn't a very good paper to start with.
One thing that I did find myself contradicted on today was my wish to be lazy. In one of the Jewish songs was a Bible reference to Proverbs 6:6 which reads "Go to the ant, you slacker! Observe its ways and become wise." I wish that this was not such a pointed statement so that I could ignore it. It totally blows my, girls shouldn't have to think and work, thought out of the water. I guess that's God's way of telling me to get over it and do something useful.
Seeing as my posts, although with some laughter, have been kind of depressing thus far, I think it is time to turn things around into a more optimistic light. Although I still believe that if you ask me I would still say that a glass half full of water is really 3/4 empty.

Procrastination

Procrastination is an art that I have perfected through years of practice. I think I first picked it up from my mother, who I love very much, but yet has always waited until the last minute to get things done. If we were ever supposed to be somewhere at a certain time we were either late, or speeding to get there on time. I suppose this can't be blamed entirely on her, as anyone with knowledge of or relation to the Bolstad clan knows, it is inherited. This might also be the reason for my procrastinating ways.

However, the point is that, as I sit here typing away in my 25 wpm or slower pace, I should be studying for a math midterm which is scheduled to begin in an hour and fifteen minutes. I assume that this will be plenty of time to study, especially since it seems to all be review from high school. This being said, it would be true only if I actually used it all to study. I don't plan on doing this though, because I find that my brain doesn't really retain any more information by poking and prodding it with extra studying. I think it might actually hurt me in the end to do this because it would probably cause a headache, which would, no doubt inhibit any performance on this test.

There are lots of people around, including my room mate, studying very hard for this exam. I find that some of them are struggling and worried, and this makes me wonder if I shouldn't follow suit and beat my brains out. I mean, they must find some purpose in it. Despite all this, I am pretty certain that if the test is anything like the previous exams that are posted online, I should do very well. Besides, I should know just about everything there is to know about it. I mean, I did get a 98% on my Calc final last year. The only mistakes being, forgetting a "C" at the end of an equation and forgetting to multiply an answer by 3 for the final measurement. I mean if my brain works well enough to remember what my mistakes were, how much could I have forgotten.

Another thing that gives me relief is a conversation with a very knowledgeable person (i.e. Karen). She mentioned that I am very smart and that, if I were to only give a 50% effort I would do alright in college. This is why I am only giving myself the ability to study for 50% of the time in which I actually should. This being said I should probably start. In a little while.

Football Fever

Last night was crazy. If you didn't know, I have season tickets to the PSU football games. For this reason I was at Beaver Stadium to watch the biggest game yet this season. It was a lot of fun especially because it was a white out, meaning everyone in the student section, with the exception of those who ended up in the S zone, was wearing white.
Christie and I had intended to go with a girl from down the hall, (the same one that I have mentioned in previous posts) because it was her first time at a game and, according to Christie, it's no fun to watch the game alone. Anyways, as we got to the gate to go in Jamie decided to go through a different line as us because she was bringing in a camera and you have to go through in certain places if you are bringing things into the stadium. When she got in, of course her ticket wasn't in the same place as ours, so we ended up not sitting together. This was alright with me because I wasn't really concerned with her "happiness," but of course Christie was really upset, if you knew her you'd understand because she gets upset over the littlest things. I tried to tell her that it wasn't her fault but she was still upset. I guess I'm not a very caring person but I wasn't going to let this ruin the game for me.
P.S. Does anyone know if Tye Cressman would have been down here? I thought I might have seen him on my way to the stadium but there was no way I was going to ask and possibly get a "no" from the person.
Back to the point. I had a lot of fun screaming at the top of my lungs, or maybe it was the bottom, it seemed a bit deeper than if it were the top. My voice is now sore because of this. The biggest problem I have with football games is that everyone and I mean at least 95% of the crowd yells profanity at the opposing team. I don't mind hearing profanity once in a while but I really don't like to hear it screamed into my ears with no possible way of shutting it out. Oh well, I guess that's just part of the experience.
We were doing pretty good the first quarter, at least we didn't let them score, but then the second and third gave them a 14 point lead which we were never able to overcome. We did score a touchdown in the last minutes of the game, which gave us hope, especially since we got possession of the ball again after that, but it was not to be. A final score of 17-10 in favor of the Michigan Wolverines left us with a bad taste in our mouth and still longing for revenge.
Then, as I returned home, I got online and chatted with Philip. This left me getting to sleep at around 1:30, the latest I have stayed up yet, and man am I tired this morning.

Stupidity

Yesterday I think I made a really big fool of myself, but that seems to be what I'm good at. I was trying to do something funny and stupid, but I think it only turned out funny to me and really stupid to everyone else. I knew the girl from down the hall (Jamie, if you want a name) was coming to ask Christie if she wanted to go to the pep rally. I thought it would be funny to lock the door and put some of those things that you grow in water on the steps (if you didn't know, we have five steps that lead into our room). Then I was going to lean on the top of the door frame and unlock the door. This plan didn't work quite right however because I couldn't quite reach the lock from my position of leaning on the door frame. When I heard a knock on the door I ran over and tried to unlock the door. While I did manage to get it unlocked I also fell onto the steps. Christie, not realizing I had fallen on accident, rushed over and tried to unlock the door. In this process she actually relocked it. I told her this and she proceeded to unlock it again while I continued to lie on the steps. By the time the door was opened I was still on the steps and the look I got from the girl outside was priceless. I think she really hates me now because I am so silly. Oh well, I like being silly. The other really sad part was that she didn't even notice the things on the steps because I was covering them all up. Regardless to say, I didn't get invited to the pep rally. I guess I didn't really want to go anyways, but I've really lost my chances of being friends with that girl now. (She was one of the girls that was making fun of my Christmas songs too.) I guess I don't really need friends like her anyways, they seem to cause me to act stupid because of some of their brash comments. Besides I don't think that she is a possessing Christian, and those are the only people that you should make close friends anyhow. (You should read this book called University of Destruction by David Wheaton. It tells all about the kind of friends you should have along with covering many other topics that need addressed both in college and for Christians in any stage of their walk. It is also a very good read.) Anyways, whether what I did was really stupid or not, I got a kick out of it. That's all that really matters.

Christmas Songs

I suppose that anyone who knows me realizes that I'm a bit strange, crazy, and at times eccentric. People here at school, however, don't notice this fact so quickly and are often deceived into trusting relationships before they realize who I really am. Last night some of these people found me out. They heard, from a source (I'm not entirely sure who), that I was playing Christmas songs. This is true, I admit that I like to start playing them many months in advance of the blessed holiday, but I don't find it any part their business. Last night, over dinner, they brought the subject up as if it were the most horrid thing in the world to do (I'm pretty sure I could think of a lot worse). I was not deterred by their disdain, however, and continued to whistle Christmas tunes. As they heard my song they were impelled to come and strangle me. I'm not sure what makes people get so frustrated over what another is doing but I think it is a bit ridiculous. People need to mind there own business a little more. Surely I know that my music is a bit out of season, but since that is what I enjoy doing, and it doesn't seems to really hurt anyone else, I can't see the reason for so much concern. People need to learn to respect others and not try to change them into "normal" people. We need to be individuals, and this entails becoming our own person. I would hope that our world could be a safe place for everyone to practice their own beliefs without discrimination.

Dumb Crap

Toady was my Chem lab. It's only once a week, but man is it stupid. Today we spent the whole four hours (yes that's right, 4 stinkin' hours for one credit) trying to figure out what different substances did when they were combined and then deciding what some unknowns were based on previous results. I guess some of the colors we made were pretty, but that's about the only conciliation. Besides this the class starts at 8:00 a.m. and I didn't get to bed until midnight last night, partially because I was working on some stupid homework for the class (don't they think you spend enough of your time on one credit without giving you out of class assignments?) and then I had to get up a 6:30 this morning. Needless to say it was a struggle to get myself out of bed. Anyways, then when I got home another teacher had canceled class so I got done early today, which is why I'm not on my way to class right now. Yippe! Dispite this small triumph over "the man," there are just not enough of these moments. It's really to bad I have another eight years of this crap to look forward to. Hope your life never sucks as bad as mine (and if it does I don't want to hear about it, I really could care less).

Welcome

I thought I would start my own blog because I found that posting on Philip's blog was so much fun. Besides, it gives me an excuse not to do the piles of homework that I could be enjoying. Today was rather boring, but I guess I made it through. In Calc we went over homework problems but I didn't have any questions so it was basically a waste of time for me. During my Chem class our teacher burnt a one dollar bill. (Isn't that illegal or something-"de-facing money") I think he might have done it on purpose just to make us laugh. One good thing about the day was that my Vet Sci seminar got out early, it's kind of sad though when that is the highlight of my day. So how about that plane crash in NY, seems like planes like to fly into buildings there. I think my first post is losing speed, so I'll try to come up with something better for next time. That's all for my first post to "bettybop."